Sightless

When I can’t see, I am afraid.

We often match the word fear with seeing. Why can I say that? I experienced that long time ago.

It was way back 2002 when I and my family planned to go to a beach 30minutes away from our home. Packed with foods, clothing and other stuffs, my dad as our driver, mom beside her while cuddling my younger brother, grandparents along with me at the back seat, we were then looking forward for a great vacation, a time for relaxation and enjoyment. But then, an inescapable event happened. A transport company van coming from a wrong direction suddenly appeared in front of us, which lead my dad to step the break so hard to avoid it. However, it was so near that even though dad did that, our auto still bumps to the van that results to a very traumatic experienced for me. My mom was then diagnosed to have an internal bleeding that leads to operation and my dad, grandparents, and ‘lil bro got into bruises and muscle pain. And I, yes, I was the one who first rode the ambulance near that place, because of the so much blood I’ve lost. And the reason why? I can’t see. My right eye was deeply blooding (if there’s a term like that). I remember that time when my dad told me, “Belle, keep your eyes open, please please don’t close it my child”. I was worried and afraid then. Things were getting blurred. I then asked the people around me, “Will I be able to still see things?”

It was a struggle. Having a minute of no sight at all is really frightening. It chills my bone to know the fact that I’ll be losing my sense of seeing. But God is so good. And He gives me another chance to live and perceive the beauty of life He offered, the art He made for me.

Well, what I have experience is a state of being unsighted, no light, darkness, a physical one. But, have you ever imagined what if our spirits are blind? Can we still be able to distinguish right and wrong? Can we still be able to know His plans and visions for us? Will we still be capable to see His great mission for us? Spiritual blindness is more frightening than being physically blind. We sometimes experienced that, well, oftentimes. Our spiritual eyes are often the enemy’s target, as it is connected to our spiritual mind that is being used for discernment. Yet beyond all these attacks, God is always there to help us in order to clearly see things in spiritual realm. He is there, our guide, paving the way, making us equipped always.

And yes. When I can’t see, I am afraid. But, when I have my Lord and trust Him with all my heart, I am fearless and will never be sightless, ever.